How the Clans End A Comedy
by CreekwindHermione
Summary: First FlowerClan challenge! Includes: Penguin, Voldemort, Harry Potter, Tallstar dies, What Does the Fox Say, and the clans are destroyed! Warning: Lots of caps lock. 2nd Warning: Sorry if my humor is a little cheesy.


**A/N: ****This is my first FlowerClan challenge! It's a parody, and it might not be very good because I don't know if my sense of humor is cheesy or if it's good. I'm just picking out random events from the series, in order, to do parodies of. Please review and hope you like it!**

**Converted it to story format.  
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A Parody

Of Scenes Full Of Cats

Who Like to Fight

And A Penguin

A large cat is sleeping.

A large, orange cat is sleeping.

A large, fat, orange cat is sleeping.

The narrator has gotten clawed by the large, orange, fa-

"Oh my. It seems I have woken up. Someone carry me out so we can get to the exciting part." Rusty said, falling asleep again.

Smudge sighed, rolled his eyes, then crawled past props, hot dogs, paint, blillboards, chickens, turkeys, hamburgers, and various other stuff that didn't have anything to do with Warriors. "Carry yourself out!" He whispered, chucking a brick at Rusty.

Rusty gasped. "I refuse!" He said, sticking his lower lip out.

"Then do something useful at least!" Smudge said. "Or else I'll lower your paycheck! Mwahahahah!"

Rusty screamed. "Noooo! Don't lower my paycheck! Okay! I'll do something useful! Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O! And on his farm he had a cow!"

Smudge did a face palm. "That's useful?"

* * *

><p>"I'm going. Bye." Rusty grabbed a suitcase and begins running out the door.<p>

"Wha- hey! You can't just do that! We're supposed to have a conversation about going into the forest and you… you? Rusty? Hello?" Smudge began following Rusty.

"Over the river and through the woods! To hunt and get mauled by a little gray kitty we go!" Rusty sang at the top of his lungs while running away as fast as he could.

"Hey! Those aren't the lyrics! And I'm supposed to cling on to you and scream 'DON'T GO! I BEG YOU! I'LL GIVE YOU ALL MY COOKIES!',and they're chocolate chip cookies, and then you calmly leave to get mauled by a gray kitty! Wait! WAIT! WE'LL LOSE OUR JOBS IF YOU SKIP THIS! COME BACK! AHHHHHHHH! THE MANAGER'S COMING! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Smudge began screaming about how scary (and ugly) the manager was while frantically clawing Rusty's leg to little bitty pieces.

"Hey! Get off my leg! How can I get mauled by a gray kitty if you cling on like that?" Rusty said, hitting Smudge with a fly swatter.

Smudge stopped. "Oh right. I need to make way so you can get attacked. Got that. I'll be there if you need help!" Smudge said cheerfully before taking 100 steps back.

Suddenly, Graypaw appeared.

Smudge began to run around in circles. "AHHH! IT'S A GRAY GHOST! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES!"

Graypaw just stood there. "What's with him and caps lock?"

Smudge began running away and then he bumped into the ugly manager.

Smudge began screaming at the top of his lungs, "AHHHHH! IT'S A GREEN ALIEN! RUN FOR YOUR-"

A sickening sound followed.

"Were we supposed to see that?" Rusty asked.

Graypaw shrugged, holding binoculars. "I don't know. By the way, the manager just walked into your house with a butcher knife… he's climbing into your underwear closet… he's holding Smudge's dead-

Rusty put on ear plugs. "Just take me to your camp."

"But we haven't-" Graypaw began.

"Lalalalala!" Rusty sang as he ran past and trampled Graypaw.

"Owiee! My finger!I'm taking a star off you for rudeness and the fact I now smell like twolegs!" Graypaw cried, sucking on his imaginary fingers.

* * *

><p>"Huh? Wah?" Bluestar turned around, threw her makeup up into the air as she realized it was her cue. "I'm not ready yet! I still have to put on my makeup! Wait! I'm not done washing this paint off me! Wait! They'll think I'm a steak a guy eats and Rusty and Graypaw will eat me! Hey-what are you doing! Get off!"<p>

Tigerclaw walks in holding a knife. "I'm going to kill you Blu- Oooh, you have strawberry lip gloss. Okay, I'll murder some other time. Now bye bye!" Tigerclaw shoved Bluestar out the door.

Tigerclaw begins smearing lipgloss on his head. "Hmmm... I'm not sure if this is the correct way to do it..."

Meanwhile

Bluestar/Steak stood outside. "Hello."

Lionheart was returning with Mousefur. "STEAK!" He dumped his rabbits on top of Mousefur and began running toward Bluestar with a knife and a fork.

Smallear cupped her ear. "What's that Lionheart? Take? You want to take something? You can't do that! Stealing is wrong. YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!" Smallear begins spanking Lionheart.

Lionheart pounced onto Bluestar. Bluestar screamed and begins slapping Lionheart. Lionheart felt himself being dragged away from his beautiful steak. "What? No! STEAK! I love you! Please, say you love me before you go!"

Smallear stuffed moss into Lionheart's mouth, then dialed a phone. "Manager? Can I borrow your butcher knife to punish a bad kitty?"

Manager replied "I'm kind of stuck in this closet! With a dead cat!"

Meanwhile in Antarctica...

A penguin was playing Go Fish with a frog. Suddenly, the alarm went off!

"A innocent citizen is in trouble! The mighty penguin will fly to the rescue, heroically save the victim, and save the day!UP, UP, AND AWAY!" The penguin hopped on top of the table, squishing the frog. He hopped off while flapping his wings and fell to the ground with a splat.

"I said… UP, UP AND AWAY!" The penguin continued. He ran out of the window and fell into the ocean.

Bluestar grabbed the nearest dictionary. "Cats know what penguins are?"

* * *

><p>Tigerclaw is supposed to be killing Bluestar. Bluestar is lying on the ground.<p>

"Tigerclaw? Hello?" She called.

Tigerclaw, who is now covered in nail polish, lipstick, and smiley face buttons, finishes coloring dolphins on him. "Perfect! Now to put on the unicorn stickers…"

Bluestar cried. "I need somebody to try to murder-"

The penguin immeidately leapt up from the middle of the ocean and cried, "I SHALL SAVE YOU!"

Bluestar blinked. "Wah…"

The penguin grabbed a basket of bananas and began chucking them at passing wizards until one fell.

Then the penguin swooped in on a broom. "You need someone to murder you, eh? Well, I don't do murders… but I will find someone!"

The penguin pulled out a purple phone and began scanning through his contacts.

"Let's see... Mom… Dad… Pizza Hut… Donut Hut… Chocolate Hut… Ice Cream Hut…"

20 hours later...

"Banana man… Pizza man… Potato man… fish man… hot dog man…"

Bluestar cried, "Search the name up!"

The penguin continued ignoring her.

"Here." Smudge popped out from StarClan and handed a brick to Bluestar. "I promise you Smudge's Bricks will bring you excellent quality as the brick can not only be chucked at someone but can also hurt, strangle-"

"Let's test that out!" Bluestar said, grabbing the brick and then beating Smuge to a pulp.

The penguin suddenly gave a leap of joy, and then did a victory dance.

The penguin began typing something in, saying what he is typing. "Lord… Voldemort…"

Bluestar suddenly scrambled up, knocking Smudge off. "WHAT!?"

"Now now! We must be polite! And knocking cats off isn't polite is it, Bluestar!" Smudge said, changing into his Polite Police costume.

Penguin continued, ignoring Smudge who was trying to put handcuffs on Bluestar but had gotten his paws cuffed. "Don't worry! He's a professional at murdering! You should be in safe hands!"

"TIGERCLAW! GET IN HERE!" Bluestar started screaming.

Tigerclaw, who was painting rainbows on his smiley face stickers, looked up. "Did the pizza arrive?"

Rigerclaw ran out with a plate. To his disappoitment, there was no pizza. He began crying.

Bluestar stared at Tigerclaw's makeup, nails/claws, and stickers.

The penguin snapped a picture of Tigerclaw and posted it on Facebook before saying, "This was who you hired to murder you?"

Tigerclaw stopped crying and pointed at the penguin and then at Smudge who had gotten handcuffed to Ashpaw, who was sticking her tongue out at Smudge. "Why is there a penguin in here? And Ashpaw, you're much too young to have a boyfriend!"

"Ahh! Now I really need to get away!" Ashpaw used Disapparition.

Lord Voldemort arrived wearing a sombrero. "¿Hola? ¿Esto es ... el Sr. Pingüino parte inferior del vientre? El que me ha contratado para matar a un ... Bloostar?

Bluestar looked blankly at him. "What?"

Tigerstar began throwing grass at Voldemort. "THERE'S A TWOLEG IN CAMP! ATTACK!"

LOrd Voldemort disappeared under a swarm of cats. That was the end of Lord Voldemort.

Harry Potter cried, "Hey! Ending Voldemort was my job!" He suddenly poofed out of nowhere into the clearing.

A swarm of cats crawled onto Harry and that was the end of Harry)

* * *

><p>"We are about to leave the old territories for the new. We must prepare by…" StarClan was chanting as Bluestar yanked out a gigantic TV screen.<p>

"Singing 'What Does the Fox Say!'" Bluestar said, turning the TV on to the music video.

"Hooray!" StarClan cheered.

"Boooooooooo!" The Dark Forest threw tomatoes.

Bluestar began tap dancing with a cane. "And a 1...and a 2… and a 3…"

StarClan began singing, "Dog goes woof!"

The Dark Forest threw a carrot. "Dog must die!"

StarClan sang "Cat goes meow!"

The Dark Forest threw a potato. "Rule all cats!"

StarClan sang. "Bird goes tweet!"

The Dark Forest threw a hamburger. "Must eat bird!"

StarClan sang. "And the mouse goes squeak!"

"And we must eat pie!"

"Cow goes moooo!"

"If you nooot!"

"Frog goes croak!"

"Eat-ing pie!"

"And the elephant goes toot!"

The Dark Forest paused to say, "The elephant is farting?"

"Ducks go quack!" StarClan continued.

"Anyways!"

"And fish go blub!"

"As we were saying!"

"And the seal goes ow-ow-ow"

"Non-pie eaters must die-die-die"

StarClan continued singing instead of eating pie.

Tigerstar gasped. "AHHHHHHH! NOBODIES EATING PIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

Darkstripe slapped a button and it started raining potatoes.

Tigerstar pulls out atomic bomb and that was the end of StarClan and the Dark Forest.

Meanwhile…

Firestar was looking at Google maps. Unfortunately, he did not know how to read. "How are we going to know which way to go now that StarClan and the Dark Forest have died due to no one eating any pie?"

The penguin begins running off a cliff with a jet pack. "I SHALL SAVE YOU!"

The penguin appeared out of nowhere. With a basket of lollipops. "I AM THE PENGUIN OF GOOD WILL, GOOD DEEDS, AND I BELIEVE WE MUST ALL BOND TOGETHER AS ONE TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER AND PEACEFUL PLACE! HERE'S A LOLLIPOP FOR ALL THAT HAVE LISTENED!"

Sandstorm suddenly woke up. "LOLLIPOPS!"

She dived for the lollipops. The penguin blocked Sandstorm.

"HALT! You must have listened as listening is a sign of good will, good deeds, and-" The penguin said, unaware at Sandstorm who had crashed into it.

"HOW DARE YOU DEPRIVE ME OF LOLLIPOPS!" Sandstorm exclaimed.

"It is for the good." The penguin said.

The penguin pulled the lollipops away from Sandstorm and Blackstar took ten lollipops behind the penguins back. Blackstar refused to share, causing a revolution in ShadowClan.

Sandstorm realized the penguin was depriving her of lollipops and that was the end of the penguin.

Firestar saw the lollipops. "Oooh… he dropped some loll-"

Sandstorm zooms to lollipops. That was the end of all the lollipops.

Dustpelt was jumping on the print button of a laptop, printing out a lot of Google maps. "How are we going to know which way to go?"

Suddenly, Blackstar yanked out a gigantic GPS after he gave the lollipops to Brackenfur, who died under a large mound of ShadowClan cats. "I know! Let's use this GPS!"

The clans cheered, "Hooray!"

Tallstar threw an egg. "Booo!"

That was the end of Tallstar.

* * *

><p>"Turn right." The GPS commanded.<p>

the clans shouted, "Turn right!" Then they turned left.

"Perform U-turn when possible." The GPS said.

"Perform U-turn when possible!" The clans repeated. Then did a figure eight.

"GPS has quit." The GPS said before exploding.

"Nooooooo!" The clans cried.

"GPS had quit!" Blackstar said.

Complete silence followed.

Blackstar looked around. "What?"

Mudstar(originally Mudclaw) wailed, "Now what?"

Leopardstar stood up. "I know! Let's steal a taxi!"

All of the cats cheered. Then they took over the local Taxi compnay and wasted 28 taxis.

"Argh! How do you drive!? I can't move this thing!" Leopardstar chucked the taxi onto a big pile of taxis.

Suddenly, Tawnypelt stood up. "I have a brilliant idea that will not result in our deaths! Let's push all the buttons!"

"Hooray!" The clans cheered.

After the clans slapped 11,758,913,751,896,417,839,572,319,847,238,947,189,562,348,956 buttons later, a random mouse appeared.

"I wonder what this red button does." The mouse said, poking the button.

And that was the end of the clans.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! By the way, if you want to know what the red button does, watch Dumb Ways to Die. :D**


End file.
